In the simplest terms perception is projection means that if you can see something...

In the simplest terms perception is projection means that if you can see something in another person then you must have it within you and you are projecting it on to them. If it wasn’t within you then how would you be able to recognise it? When we judge others as being arrogant, sarcastic, lacking in self-esteem, or any other description, we are actually recognizing a part of ourselves. The other person is simply reflecting that element of you like a mirror. Those traits and behaviours which you find annoying in others are often a reflection of your own biggest weaknesses. 

Do you remember people saying “takes one to know one?” It’s absolutely true and sometimes it is a good idea to have it in mind. Sure, as we go through life and we learn the skills that Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) makes available to us, large amounts of what we learn we ultimately end up doing unconsciously; sometimes, it is a good idea to bring these NLP concepts into our conscious awareness.

Ever noticed that when you are really happy, everyone around you seems generally happy and cheerful? Your perception of them is usually ‘he is a nice guy’, or ‘she is a great girl’; and when you are in a really up-beat, happy and positive mood have you ever noticed that ‘people are generally nice? What about the flip side? Ever had ‘one of those days’? Have you ever woken up on the wrong side of bed and found that ‘everyone is out to get you’, that ‘no one cares about you’ that ‘ they are all nasty people that only care about themselves’?

We have all noticed these things. They are a reflection of our own internal states and behaviours. The good thing is, once you have realised that ‘everyone’ seems to be in a bad mood, all we need to do is look in the mirror. 

If I didn’t know what grumpy was and how to do it I wouldn’t be able to spot it in people I came in contact with. If I wasn’t tuned in to irritation, stress and frustration, I wouldn’t be able to recognise it in others.

So it is fair to say that for us to be able to notice this behaviour or attitude in others it would have to be present in some form in ourselves, otherwise you wouldn’t know how to even recognise it!

The fact is that if you want your reality to be a happy, joyous, positive driven & successful one, then guess who it is down to? That right! It’s down to you; to be in control of your own state. When we project these positive states upon others then we may begin to recognise them flooding back as they always have been if we had just been in tune enough to notice. You may find your perception of those people can change so that they are, in fact, happy and not grumpy at all.

So, much better to take responsibility for our own internal state instead of blaming, criticising or complaining about others who are a reflection of ourselves anyway! And enjoy the positive energy they will connect with us with when we have a positive control of our state.

When I am coaching people, they usually come up with a presenting problem. As a coach, I am asking them a lot of questions as I want to be getting information from them in an independent and objective way. I don’t want to be projecting any of my beliefs or values onto them! People, however, sometimes don’t want to admit the truth so they will keep some things for themselves – and I hope that I am not projecting something about myself now! So, during my questioning process in the breakthrough session, I ask them to tell me “what’s the relationship of your presenting problem to the relationship you have with your parents, your sisters, your brothers and your best friends”. Then, I listen carefully because this is when they start criticising all these people. While my clients think that I am taking notes about their loved ones, what I am actually doing, is taking notes about themselves and their character traits. They unconsciously give me an honest opinion about themselves! This makes my work much easier and enables me to effect change when I apply my intervention.

What others do or how they act is their choice, but it is up to each of us how we perceive their behaviour. You will see in people whatever you unconsciously expect to see, and you will only perceive things that you have in you. Whatever we each focus on - energy follows where your attention goes - we then project onto others in terms of how we want them to act. Once your judgment of that person comes to your conscious attention, it is your projection. So instead of judging other people too quickly, make sure you are giving them a fair chance and consider what it is that you yourself is projecting. 

So if you think that you need to change other people’s behaviour, then think again! It would seem that the most sensible place to start would be to check inside and consider changing yourself first!